Thank you Terry and snow for all your help in editing and improving this chapter. I couldn’t have done it without you.
Like almost all of my series, this one will only be understood if you have read the chapters before it. Thank you to my readers for going along this journey with me. I’m sorry it’s taking as long as it is.
Threading the Needle
Chapter 18
When the oven dinged a single time, Indigo glanced at her watch. It was almost 7 pm and everything she and Alex needed for dinner was just about ready. All that remained to do was pop the garlic bread into the oven and drop the spaghetti into the pot. She was keeping the water just below a boil, and now the oven was at the right temperature for the half a baguette smeared with butter and freshly minced garlic. As soon as Alex walked through the door to her apartment, Indigo could start those final things. The table was already set and there was salad in the bowls.
“Alex should be here soon,” she murmured to herself, going to check the table once more. She fussed with the tablecloth and straightened the silverware. “Stop it,” she told herself. It wasn’t like her to display this degree of domesticity, although she certainly had more of that in her than Alex. For a moment she wondered if it was too much. “Is she going to think I’m feeling guilty?”
God knows, it was the truth. Whether or not she was compensating for having given in to her attraction to Liz, she wasn’t sure, but Indigo knew she was feeling guilty about it. And not just for giving in. That was bad enough but this time, unlike all the other times, she hadn’t confessed to Alex when she got home; not Monday night when they got together at Alex’s place or Tuesday morning when they woke up arms around each other. She kept it hidden and it ate at her.
Even worse, when she knew Alex couldn’t get together on Tuesday night, Indigo had called Liz to let her know that she was free and could get together. Naturally, Liz hadn’t answered, and she’d been forced to leave a message; one that in hindsight she felt had been rather pathetic. “Like the women she picks up in bars or on the river and are sure that it’s the beginning of a relationship. Leaving message after message with no answer, unless Liz just needs a booty call.” She sighed.
“Am I just like them? Fooling myself that something more permanent was possible with Liz when all I really am is just a very convenient fuck.”
And yet, she couldn’t let go of those moments on Monday morning. “Maybe it’s just been so long since Liz even tried to have a relationship that she doesn’t know how to start,” she thought. More than anything, that was why she hadn’t confessed. It wasn’t the great sex. That was why she had given in at the warehouse. Those moments were why she had called Liz as soon as she knew Alex wouldn’t be around, and why she kept her phone with her for the next day, hoping to hear back from her.
As if thinking about it made it happen, Indigo’s phone suddenly lit up and the sound of rushing river sounded. Her stomach did a flip flop and she grabbed for it. Just before she pressed answer, she couldn’t help thinking, “Fuck. Why the hell does she have to call now, when Alex could walk in any second?”
Despite those feelings, she did her best to achieve some semblance of being calm before answering the call. “Hey,” she said.
“Hey yourself. What’s going on tonight? Maybe meet up at a pub for a beer or something.” Liz too was trying to appear indifferent, although it was as much a facade as it was for the other woman.
“Or something?” Indigo asked with a throaty chuckle. She could hear her flirty tone and regretted it a little bit.
“I don’t mean that… necessarily,” Liz automatically answered back in her own flirty way. She felt more natural in that mode than in the serious sense the invitation had been made. “We could go to that pub with the pool tables and play for a while.” She almost held her breath as she waited to hear Indigo’s answer. “God damn it, why do I feel like I’m asking her out for a first date? We’ve been together probably a hundred times over the years.”
Something in Liz’s voice made her think that maybe this wasn’t just a prelude to sex, and Indigo felt the temptation to say yes. “I could tell Alex that something came up early in the morning and that I just wanted to go to bed. She’d probably just…” The thought trailed off. “Fuck, why am I thinking this way. I know how much Alex is looking forward to some relaxing time together. We’ll probably even make love after dinner.”
“Sorry, I’m busy tonight. Alex will be here any minute. I’ve got dinner almost ready, and we are spending the night together,” Indigo told her. Even now, she felt Liz’s pull making her feel like changing her answer and finding a way to make it happen.
“Fuck fucking fuck,” Liz thought to herself with a burst of anger. “I shouldn’t have worried about seeming too eager and ignored her voice mail. I’m so stupid sometimes.” But then she pulled on her normal front of indifference like it was the old friend that it was.
“No problem. I balıkesir escort get it. She comes first. That’s our arrangement. I’ll figure out something else to do.”
“Maybe another night?” Indigo responded as she felt a brief flare up of jealousy, knowing that something else was just code for someone else. It too was a well-known feeling, although rarely with this intensity, but just like Liz, she quickly suppressed it, knowing it was pointless.
“Yeah, sure. I guess I’ll see you on the river. Have fun tonight.” And Liz ended the call before Indigo could say anything else.
“Beep beep,” the phone told Indigo it was pointless to say anything more. She just stared at it. The feeling that Liz was more invested in getting together than normal fled her. She seemed so indifferent when Indigo said she couldn’t. Once again, she wondered if she had made the right choice. Those feelings of regret, jealousy, and anger at herself for feeling either swirled around her as she took some deep breaths. She needed to let them go before Alex got there.
“Tonight’s about her. That’s the decision you made, live with it. And make it nice for her. She doesn’t deserve such a shitty girlfriend,” she told herself. With a big sigh, she got up and went into the kitchen to check on dinner yet one more time.
In her own apartment, Liz gave a big sigh of her own. “That’s our arrangement,” she said with resignation as she looked at her phone and thumbed over to her contact list and typed in L.. E.. N..A.
*********
When she got to the pub on Capitol Hill an hour later, she knew that Lena was already there. There had been a text to that effect. It was only a few minutes earlier, but she wanted Liz to know where she was. Liz made her way through the crowd. It was a mostly lesbian bar although not exclusively, but that meant that she knew a fair number of women there. Although if she was honest with herself, she actually “knew” relatively few of them. A far bigger number were just ships that had passed in the night. Some flirtatious banter followed by a tumble in their bed didn’t count for getting to know them. Even now, she felt eyes on her and knew some would test the waters. Although she knew Lena was waiting for her, Liz couldn’t help a little smile. She was in her element here, where she wasn’t confused by unusual thoughts like when she was with Indigo, or around Rikki.
Finally, as she neared the back of the bar by the pool tables, she saw Lena. Liz smiled as she looked at the other woman who was wearing a blouse that was unbuttoned enough to reveal both the swell of her breasts and the fact that Lena wasn’t wearing a bra. When she stood, Liz could see it was short enough, when combined with the low-rise jeans, to expose her belly almost from her mound up to her navel. Lena’s hair was more carefully coiffed than when she was at a campsite, but still with a look of slight messiness that hinted of having risen from bed a short time before.
It was too late to be true, but the mental picture had the desired effect on Liz. Rather than playing it cool, she slipped a hand in behind the waistband of Lena’s jeans and pulled her close for a hungry kiss. Lena enthusiastically returned it. She wasn’t blind to the eyes that had watched Liz make her way back.
“Hands off,” Lena thought fiercely. “She’s here with me tonight,” even though she knew if she hadn’t been available or even hadn’t answered right then, there was a high likelihood that Liz would be here anyhow. And she wouldn’t have had any difficulty in finding willing partners. She probably hadn’t thought nearly as much about what to wear, but Lena found the combination of tight ripped jeans and a Guns N Roses t-shirt extremely sexy. Like usual off the water, she left her curly blonde hair loose, hanging down just past her shoulders. The casual look was more genuine than Lena’s, but just as effective.
Liz didn’t let the kiss drag on long. PDAs were not something she felt comfortable doing for long, no matter who it was. “Although, if it was Rikki, I think it would take a crowbar to pull me off her,” she thought. She conveniently ignored all the times she and Indigo had made out while camping, paying no attention to any observers. Thoughts of Rikki prompted her to put a little more space between them. Lena was fun to be with, but it wasn’t the same as how she felt about Rikki or Indigo.
Almost physically shaking her head, Liz banished those thoughts. “So do you have dibs on a table?”
Nodding, Lena pointed at one of the pool tables. “We’re next on that one.”
“How far are they?” Liz asked, straining to look past the group clustered around the closer table. “Do I have time to go get a beer?”
“Probably less than half done. Sure. I would have got you one but wasn’t sure what or if you would be drinking. And I’m fine myself,” she said as she held up an almost full glass of amber liquid.
“Okay, I’ll be back shortly.”
Lena watched as she turned with a slight flick of her head that caused her hair to fly up before settling down into a halo bartın escort that surrounded her face. Lena’s smile faded into a small frown as she watched how Liz’s hips swayed back and forth more than usual, making her way through the throng of women. Twice she stopped on her way to the bar when someone reached out to touch her arm. The way she laughed and her eyes sparkled, it was clear that Liz enjoyed the attention even if eventually she moved on towards the bar. It was almost worse as she came back. Now Lena could see her eyes as they roamed around the room, flashing a smile at various women. When Liz stopped to talk to another woman, Lena let out a big sigh.
“I should have suggested some place else when she asked about getting together,” she thought to herself, as the minutes began to pile up since Liz went for her beer. “Or something else,” unsure whether any bar they were likely to go to would be better. “Hell, I should have just told her to come over to my place and we could fuck.” She sighed again when she realized that Liz had been gone long enough that the pool table she had claimed was now free. She grabbed her drink and waved to Liz, trying to catch her eye as she moved over to it. She succeeded with the wave but it was accompanied by a flush of embarrassment. When the woman with whom Liz had been chatting grabbed her arm in an obvious attempt to hold her up, a flare of anger was added to the turmoil of feelings.
She was mollified slightly as Liz immediately shook her off; although clearly it was gently since Liz flirtatiously laughed as she disengaged. As she racked up the balls, Lena tried to settle her emotions. “I don’t want to act like a bitch and give her some reason to ditch me,” she thought to herself.
Lena was leaning over to grab one last ball when Liz came up behind her. She took a chance to admire the almost perfect ass. “Goddamn,” she murmured under her breath as she imagined sliding her hand down the little gap she could see between jeans and skin. A few kinkier thoughts passed through her mind as well that she filed for later that night.
When she sidled up beside her, Lena glanced up at her with a sunny smile on her lips. Her sparkling green eyes gave no hint of her feelings from a few moments before. Now that Liz was back with her, she didn’t want anything to spoil their mood.
“You want to break?” she asked her.
Liz smiled back and nodded as she grabbed one of the available cues. She leaned over to shoot and break the pyramid. The hard shot managed to sink not just one but two solid balls. She chortled with pleasure and grinned again at Lena who playfully stuck her tongue out. She slowly walked around the table, spinning the cue in the palms of her hand as she examined the table. Lining up the shot she wanted, she leaned over the table again. Her eyes flicked along the cue to the white ball and then on to her target. She caught a little bit of movement and looked beyond the table.
There, leaning against the wall, was Lena, holding her own cue, but it was how she was holding it that kept Liz’s attention. It was between her legs, pressed against her mound. Practically straddling it, the cue came up between her boobs and she rested her chin on the top of it. If that wasn’t distracting enough, her hips were gently flexing back and forth as she arched her back slightly. Not moving from her bent over position, Liz’s eyes flicked up and down to take in all of Lena. Her eyes took in the smoky sultriness that Lena could do so well. That, combined with the pouty pursing of her lips, made Liz groan just a little.
“Fuck me,” she thought to herself before quickly revising that in her mind to a literally meant “fuck her.” Taking in a deep breath, Liz tried to refocus on the cue ball and take her shot. It should have been an easy ball in the pocket but instead she missed her spot, and it flew off in an unintended direction to hit the largest cluster of balls. When they all stopped moving, Liz saw she left two of the stripped balls right on the edge of falling in.
“Fuuuuuuuck,” she breathed. She scowled as she stepped away from the table. Her libido had lost to her powerful competitive streak, but when Lena pushed off the wall with a wicked smile and teasing eyes that promised passion later, it became clear that it was only a temporary loss.
“Bitch!” Liz said softly as they passed, and she ran her hand over Lena’s belly. The fingers lingered to wrap around to touch her back.
“Ain’t I just?” Lena replied, spinning to walk backwards to the table. She grinned and then stuck her tongue out at Liz. Holding up her fingers in a V, she slid her tongue between them and then pointed them both at her. With a little wiggle, she turned back to face the table.
As she lined up her shot, Lena felt pleased with herself. Not only had she reminded Liz why they were going out, she also made those intentions clear to anyone still harboring lingering thoughts about getting together with Liz tonight. “Yeah, bitches. She’s with me!” she thought to herself.
Still, when she looked batman escort up after making the shot to sink both of her balls, Lena saw that someone new was chatting with Liz. Despite the moment just seconds before, Liz was demonstrating her ability to make whoever she was talking with feel like she was the center of Liz’s attention. With the tightest of control, Lena managed to not let her irritation show and just moved on to sink four straight balls before she just barely missed and left one of her balls blocking one of the corner pockets. She glanced over to see that Liz had been paying enough attention that she was already moving over to take her turn. The other woman was still there, watching Liz. After a few moments, she noticed the daggers that Lena was staring at her. She at least had the good grace to look embarrassed before turning to walk away.
Slowly Lena turned around to watch Liz. Her flirtatious mood was gone, but she took several deep breaths to center herself. She didn’t want to let a grumpy one take its place. “Do I really want to put up with this shit?” she asked herself. “Sure, the sex is great, but it comes with a lot of crap.” She compared how she felt with Liz to how she felt being with Winnie. She always enjoyed her time with the blonde. Their relationship was more than some occasional tumbles in the hay. Deep down, she could feel it. “Winnie cares about me and my feelings. It isn’t love but it’s more than sex. We have fun together even when sex isn’t in the cards.”
Not that expanding her relationship with Winnie was what she wanted either. “Especially since Rikki is in the picture!” Lena thought and then subconsciously emphasized the point with a firm little nod. She had no real idea where Rikki wanted that relationship to go but it was clear to her that Winnie was willing to take it as far as she could. Knowing Rikki pretty well by now, she could sense her conflicting feelings. Better judgment was warring with her desires, and Lena wasn’t sure which was going to win, either in the short term or the long run. Still, not getting in the middle of the two of them made sense, especially since she cared about both of the other woman. Leaning back against the wall, she let out a long sigh.
“Well,” a soft voice broke into her thoughts. “That’s a hell of a sigh.”
Starting, Lena looked over to see a familiar face. “Hey, Rachel,” she said with a smile. Although more a friend of some friends, she knew the other woman from parties and crossing paths at various bars. She always seemed nice. The last time she’d seen her was the same night that she met Liz and started down this particular path.
“Hey yourself. You alright?” the slender blonde asked her.
“Oh yeah, I’m doing fine. Just waiting for my turn.”
Rachel turned to look over at the pool table where Liz was trying to figure out how to avoid knocking in one of Lena’s balls while sinking her own. For the moment, other women were forgotten. Rachel watched a second and then slowly looked back at Lena.
“You’re with Liz?” she asked. Her tone was a little dubious. While she and Lena didn’t know each other well, the same couldn’t be said of Liz. They were both avid skiers and had often run into each other, even skiing together in groups. For whatever reason, Rachel was one of the relatively few who didn’t feel Liz’s pull. Sure, there was no denying that she was attractive, but Liz made no effort to be anyone other than who she was. She was the female version of Bear, the patrol guy she met with Isab…. “Stop it, don’t think about her,” she firmly told herself. She took her own deep breath and smiled at Lena.
“We aren’t together. Well, we are here together but we aren’t a couple,” she said before trailing off.
“No, I didn’t think so. I know Liz well enough to know she doesn’t do couples. I just didn’t think that was your style. I know things didn’t work out with Katie, but that seemed more about Katie and her jealousy than you not wanting a relationship with someone.” Rachel looked over at the table and returned Liz’s friendly wave as she noticed her talking with Lena.
“Yeah,” Lena said softly. “I’m not always sure why I get together with her.”
“Well, it’s probably the sex,” Rachel replied with a chuckle. “It’s pretty amazing…. so I’ve heard.” She crossed a finger over her heart. “I swear I have no firsthand knowledge. Just what a number of friends have said to me.”
Lena’s face turned red, and she stammered, “Yeah, that… that’s probably it.”
The other woman chuckled again. “It’s okay. Sometimes great sex is enough… for a while.” A sad look crossed over Rachel’s face for the briefest of moments. Brief as it was, Lena still caught it and remembered Katie telling her that Rachel was still in the midst of recovering from a broken heart.
“What about you? Are you okay?” Lena reached out to touch the back of her hand.
From the way Rachel ruefully smiled, she clearly knew that people were aware of her situation, if not the actual details. “Yeah, I’m doing good. You know, getting back on the horse that threw me. And realizing that you don’t always get what you want, but that doesn’t mean something else isn’t good too.” Once again, she glanced over at Liz who seemed to finally make up her mind on her shot. Her sole focus was for once on something other than another woman. Impulsively, Rachel turned back to Lena.